On Style: Nails...

Your nails will always be a point of contention. Are they too short, too long, too rough, too smooth, too dull, too shiny, to sharp, too soft or too discoloured…

The list goes on.

I’m a fan of well-kept nails, but I warn you, some women see a man with well looked after nails and instantly assume he’s a gimp. Or, at the very least, unnecessarily anal.

Your choice is either to keep on biting your nails and appeal to this sect of females, or bring your nails into line with the rest of your look.

I would advise the latter.

Good nails are like a good cornerback in the NFL – they go unnoticed. Nine times out of ten, a cornerback will make the highlight reel when he’s being torched by the receiver he was supposed to be slowing down en-route to the end zone; likewise, people will generally only comment on your scratchers when they are dirty, overlong or, for some other, unknown reason, not to their liking.

Every so often though, someone will notice how nice they are and, although they might not say anything, they will think that if you bother to take so much care over the little things, you can probably be trusted to look after big responsibilities too.

So how do you go about fashioning your gruesome talons into something to be proud of?

Get yourself down to Bodyshop and buy a nail buffer, find a good pair of tweezers (preferably in two sizes), some sort of dirt removal tool and a decent hand/nail cream.

Cut your nails so around a millimetre of white remains, and then file them so they are perfect smooth.

Next take your scraping tool and dislodge all the dirt crammed beneath the tips. Wash your hands.

Get hold of your buffer and first take off the ridges of your nails – the buffer is double-sided, with one side split into two colours. Use the darker side first (it is also the roughest) to remove the lines on your nails. Next use the lighter colour of the split-coloured side to smooth your nails all over. Finally use the single-colour side to buff to a lustrous polish.

Now when people look from your smile, to your suit, to your watch to your nails, they will not be forced to endure an earth-shattering anticlimax to an otherwise impeccable outfit.

Get on it.


Pick up THE HARE newspaper at Night and Day, Bar Centro, Font or Tiger Lounge in Manchester town centre, or the Oakwood in Glossop.

E-mail theharenewspaper@hotmail.co.uk with questions, comments or contributory pieces.